


Birth and Rebirth

by mystiri1



Category: Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children
Genre: Community: areyougame, Drugged Sex, M/M, Miscarriage, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-28
Updated: 2011-01-28
Packaged: 2017-10-15 04:31:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/157055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mystiri1/pseuds/mystiri1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They weren't strong enough, pure enough, to bring him back by themselves...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Birth and Rebirth

Life was supposed to get more interesting once they left the labs, Kadaj thought with an irritated scowl. And it was when they actually went to places that had people – cities, towns, even villages held a greater variety of people than he’d seen in the labs. Big, small, strong, weak, rich, poor – so many different people, and so much colour. Not to mention noise. Gone was the artificial peace of the labs, the muffled silence of soundproofed walls challenged only by the hum of air filtration units or the occasional horrifically painful experiment. Gone was the sterile white. Out here everything was vibrant and loud and so very alive.

Somehow that made the fact that they were living in a damned cave all the more offensive.

He was careful to think that thought quietly, in the tiny space in the back of his mind where he kept all such thoughts. The thoughts he didn’t want Mother to hear, and as She’d never rebuked him for them, he hoped he might have been successful. That was why they were here, though, and not some more exciting place. This was where Mother had bought them, where She had told him to lead them after the labs fell. He thought that maybe they’d find Her here, but She simply told them to wait. She didn’t mind that they ventured out to go monster-hunting or to buy supplies form the nearby settlements, but this as where She wanted them, so it was where they always came back to.

And there was nothing to do in the cave.

Well, that wasn’t precisely true. Yazoo and Loz had certainly found something to keep them occupied. Kadaj heaved an annoyed sigh, and rolled over so that his back was to the pair. It wasn’t like he hadn’t watched them before. None of them had had any privacy growing up in the labs, so it was ridiculous to lay claim to any kind of self-consciousness now. He’d jerked off to them more than once, too, because there was something that was just beautiful about the way Yazoo would arch into Loz, the clench and release of powerful muscles as Loz moved inside him, the way the two of them seemed to fit together. But all too often it was a reminder of what he didn’t have.

It wasn’t as if they’d push him away if he went over and joined them. And he had… Once. Mother had always seemed oddly pleased by the relationship between the older two. The scientists back in the lab hadn’t been; they’d muttered about emotional attachments and possible contamination of results, but as it made Yazoo and Loz more cooperative, they were allowed the occasional encounter. Out here there was nothing to stop them from having as much sex as they wanted. And Kadaj had been watching them do just that when Mother suddenly decreed that he should be taught about sex.

He’d been nervous, but he wanted to please Mother. And Yazoo and Loz had certainly done their best to oblige. Yazoo had shown him how to kiss and stroke and touch; he’d lost his virginity by sliding inside the long-haired beauty’s body, while Loz watched them both, hand wrapped around his own substantial cock. Then while Kadaj was still relaxed from his own orgasm, Loz had shown him the other side of things, sliding deep inside him. He’d held onto Kadaj’s hips with a firm but gentle grip, fucking him with powerful strokes until he came a second time.

Kadaj had felt blissfully happy, wanted in a way he never had before, until he saw how Yazoo moved towards Loz as soon as they were done, the way Loz cradled the smaller remnant. Yazoo had seemed perfectly willing to allow Kadaj to fuck him, but he was far from happy about sharing Loz. Looking at them, Kadaj realised with a chill that Yazoo would always be Loz’s favourite, just as Loz was Yazoo’s, and that he would always be on the outside of that, regardless of what they said when he sought reassurance.

So when they asked him about it afterwards he’d been a little dismissive of the entire experience, shrugging it off as if it wasn’t important. He certainly hadn’t told them that of the two, he’d enjoyed the feeling of being held while somebody entered him far more. He didn’t want to upset Yazoo.

He didn’t want to get stuck with the cooking, for one thing.

The cave didn’t have much in the way of comforts. They had bedrolls, and there was a camp-stove because it was easier than cooking using fire materia. Some crates held their supplies, food and utensils and even several potions just in case they were wounded while hunting monsters. Not that they’d ever needed them. Their bikes were parked just inside the entrance. Several stacks of books leaned against the walls, including one that consisted entirely of cookbooks.

He stared at that stack now, reading the titles printed along the spines, and wondered why anybody would need 50 Recipes for Cooking with Cactuars. Why did they even have that one? It wasn’t like cactuars were common around here, and Kadaj didn’t like them anyway. They went all mushy when cooked, and tasted horribly bland.

Finally the sounds behind him subsided, and he let out a sigh. Maybe now he’d be able to get some sleep.

He was just drifting on when he heard a murmur in his mind, that cold, commanding voice sounding unusually satisfied as it whispered, _Finally. It’s time._

*

It was nearly a month and a half later that Yazoo started getting sick in the mornings. At his insistence, Kadaj took over the cooking. The youngest wasn’t sure about contagion, which Yazoo said was the reason he couldn’t cook right now, but he did agree that letting Loz cook wasn’t an option.

When it continued for more than a week, they were all worried. They’d never been sick while outside of the lab. Inside, it was usually caused by the scientists, and they had always recovered quickly, which made the scientists happy. But there weren’t any scientists here.

“Maybe,” Kadaj suggested, the words dragged out of him reluctantly, “Yazoo should see a doctor.”

Yazoo paled, which made his already-pasty face an interesting shade of grey. He was huddled over the bucket they’d decided was a necessity in the morning, Loz cuddling close behind. The larger of the pair looked alarmed.

“A doctor?” he said apprehensively. “I don’t like doctors. What if they hurt Yaz?”

It was what they were all thinking. The doctors they knew were scientists. Out here, doctors were the people who made sick people better. It was a complete reversal of what they were used to, and none of them were sure they believed it.

Kadaj looked at Yazoo. He didn’t think his older brother was really up to any tests at the moment.

“I’ll go,” he said firmly.

“But you’re not sick,” Loz pointed out.

“I’ll tell the doctor what’s wrong, and if he can’t tell me from that, then he’s not a very good doctor,” Kadaj asserted. “And I’ll bring you some more books.”

That last statement made Yazoo brighten, so that his face was almost a normal colour again. “Okay.”

Kadaj decided, feeling quite noble, that maybe he wouldn’t spend too long looking around town while he was there. After all, he was only going for Yazoo’s sake.

*

Doctors outside the lab were no less confusing than doctors in the lab, although possibly not so scary. Kadaj wasn’t ready to say he liked the doctor he’d seen, but the man had given him a lollipop, and it didn’t seem to contain any dangerous substances. He did wonder if maybe he should have save it for Yazoo, but the doctor had given it to him when he’d seen Kadaj eyeing the jar of them on his desk, and had assured him that no, it wasn’t medicine.

Besides, he had a stack of books for Yazoo to read, and the little box the doctor had given him.

“What did the doctor say?” Loz demanded as soon as he’d turned off his bike.

Kadaj blinked up at his oldest brother, looming over him anxiously. “He wasn’t sure.”

Loz’s shoulders sagged.

“There are books in my saddlebags; why don’t you get them out?”

Loz nodded, and began rummaging through them for the promised books. Yazoo liked books, which puzzled Kadaj. He didn’t see anything interesting about staring at pages and pages of writing for hours on end when he could be out doing things instead.

Kadaj took the box in its little brown paper bag over to Yazoo.

“The doctor asked me a bunch of questions, and I didn’t know the answer to all of them. Some of them were kind of weird. He ended up saying he wasn’t sure, but he gave me this.” He held the offering out a little apprehensively. “It’s a test, but not a bad one. He said you just have to pee on the stick.”

Yazoo opened the bag. And sighed. “Kadaj, did you tell him I was a male?”

“I though it was better if he didn’t know who we were, in case he knows other doctors.” The kind of doctors who were scientists. “So I said you were my sister.” It was a perfectly reasonable precaution in Kadaj’s mind, just like driving three towns over first, and Yazoo had all that long hair, so it hadn’t been that great a distinction to make.

“This is a pregnancy test.”

“So are you going to do it?”

Yazoo sighed again. “Girls get pregnant, Kadaj.”

“You’re not going to take the test?” Loz asked, approaching with an armload of books. His face was contorted into an odd expression, somewhere between worried and relieved, as if he couldn’t decide which he was feeling.

“It’s not like it’s going to make any difference,” Yazoo muttered, but he wandered off to find a private corner, and took the test with him.

Five minutes later, he was back, and looking confused. “That doesn’t make sense. This one must be broken.”

“It didn’t work?”

“It said I was pregnant, Loz.”

“You’re pregnant?” A smile dawned on the oldest brother’s face.

“Girls get pregnant, Loz. I’m male.”

It took some time for Yazoo to explain the finer points of reproduction to his brothers, who were more familiar with the test tube method. Loz nodded to everything he said, although his comprehension was somewhat skewed by his lack of knowledge of female anatomy. Kadaj screwed his face up in disgust.

“It sounds messy, and kind of random, too. How do you ensure you get the results you want?”

“You don’t. Only scientists worry about that kind of thing. Normal people just have babies and take what they’re given.”

“But what if the babies are not good enough?” Kadaj frowned.

“It doesn’t matter, because they’re their children. They keep them anyway.”

“So you’re not pregnant, then.” Loz sounded disappointed.

 _He is._

Kadaj blinked. “Mother?”  
 _  
None of you are pure enough to bring back My Son, My First Son, My precious Sephiroth. So I altered you. Together, you contain enough of Me to do it, to see Him reborn once again. A child born of My children will be strong enough, pure enough, to contain him. The child will be born, and My Son will be reborn once again._

*

They should have been happy, and somehow managed to make the appropriate responses to ensure Mother was not displeased; but Kadaj thought Loz was the only one for whom it was true. Their elder brother, Sephiroth, would return, and Mother would be happy.

Sephiroth, Mother’s favourite.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, Kadaj wasn’t even really helping. It was Yazoo that would give birth to the child, Loz who had fathered it. All Kadaj got to do was relay messages between Mother and his brothers.

He was bitterly jealous of all of them, Sephiroth most of all. It must be nice to be Mother’s favourite son. He did his best to keep that thought tucked safely away, because he wasn’t sure if Mother would be angry at him for it, but he thought some of the others leaked through. Mother didn’t say anything.

Yazoo looked more scared than happy, but as the weeks passed, he gradually relaxed. He stopped throwing up all the time, and went back to cooking, which was a relief for Kadaj. In an attempt to please both Yazoo and Mother, he sought out all the books on pregnancy he could find, and read them too.

There were diagrams, which he showed Loz. The oldest of them did better with such things than with long, wordy descriptions. And it was he who pointed out the obvious.

“Where’s it going to come out?”

“What do you mean?” Kadaj asked.

“The baby comes out here on a girl, right?” Loz pointed to the appropriate spot on the diagram. “Yazoo doesn’t have any holes there.”

“Mother said she changed things,” Kadaj pointed out. “Maybe we should look again.”

So they coerced Yazoo into a thorough examination – he bitched the entire time – and agreed that there didn’t seem to be any additional openings.

“I suppose there’s always c-section,” Yazoo said, looking disgruntled as he put his clothes back on

“What’s that?” Kadaj asked.

“It’s when they cut the baby out, rather than delivering it the normal way.”

This sent Loz into hysterics. Kadaj set about researching c-sections, and thought, very quietly, that this whole baby thing was a great deal of trouble.

*

One morning, Kadaj woke up to find Yazoo holding his stomach, an unusually wide smile on his face. “I can feel it!” he exclaimed. “I can feel the baby!”

The flat planes of his stomach had given way to a soft curve as the pregnancy progressed. Kadaj had seen a heavily pregnant woman in one of the towns they’d passed through, and he had a hard time picturing Yazoo’s stomach stretching that much, but he’d never imagined his middle brother as being anything other than slender muscle. It was strange to see him like this, and stranger still to think more changes were to come.

“Here,” Yazoo grabbed Loz’s hand and placed it over the bump. “Can you feel it?”

Loz frowned in concentration; then his face lit up. “I can feel it!” They beamed at each other joyously.

Kadaj swallowed. “Can I…?”

His voice trailed off as Yazoo blinked, then turned as if he’d forgotten Kadaj was even there. “Of course you can.”

Kadaj managed a small smile as he crawled over to Yazoo’s bedroll, and laid his hand on the gentle swell of flesh. There was a brief flutter of something under his hand; it felt more like a muscle spasm than anything else.

“Can you feel it?” Yazoo asked eagerly.

“Uh… yes?” Was that all? He was a bit disappointed. “I can feel it,” he said more strongly, and basked a moment as Yazoo turned that glorious smile on him.

*

Just a few mornings later, a shriek of pure rage woke them all.

 _Useless fools! It’s wrong, all wrong!_ Mother’s voice was so loud and angry Kadaj clapped his hands over his ears. It didn’t help.

The screaming was inside his head.

Then there was another scream, and he looked up to see Yazoo arching in pain. It seemed to go on and on, and with a sick feeling he realised it was Mother who was doing it.

“Yaz?” Loz said anxiously.

 _Worthless trash, that’s all you three are,_ Mother snarled. Loz flinched, and Kadaj realised that this time, all three of them were hearing her. Could hear – the words sunk in, and he whimpered. _I should have known you’d fail. You are supposed to be bringing back My Son! My Sephiroth, who is far more than you can ever be!_

Yazoo’s screams subsided into choked sobs, and he curled up, hands clutching his stomach.

There was more, but Kadaj didn’t really hear it. He stared at the sight of Yazoo, curled up and crying – Yazoo never cried, that was Loz – while Loz hovered anxiously, until finally he realised Mother was no longer speaking to them. The cave was silent, except for the sound of Yazoo’s sobs.

“Yaz?”

The middle brother uncurled and flung himself at Loz. “It’s gone, Loz, it’s gone!” he wailed. “She killed our baby!”

Kadaj just watched while Loz cradled his lover close, rocking him with a helpless look on his face, his cheeks streaked with tears.

And he could feel something wet sliding down his own face.

*

It was several days before he heard anything from Mother, and he couldn’t help the leap of joy when he realised She hadn’t completely abandoned them. _Kadaj_ , She told him firmly, _you are the closest to what I need. You will bear the child that will bring Sephiroth back to me._

Mother, he thought, not wanting to speak aloud lest the others hear.

 _You will do this, and the time of Our Reunion will finally come._

That was all she said, but it was enough. Kadaj smiled at the rough ceiling of the cave, feeling an ecstatic joy swirl through him. He would help Mother, and finally, he would get to see Her. It was what he’d been waiting for all this time.

A low moan broke his reverie. He looked over to Yazoo’s bedroll. His middle brother hadn’t moved since that morning, and had been running a fever since the second day. It wasn’t serious, but it was unusual, as was the way Yazoo drew away from them both. Loz was stubbornly continuing to care for his lover, but he flinched every time Yazoo pulled away.

Kadaj felt the euphoria drain away, and something horrible and stomach-twisting take its place.

He’d secretly wanted the baby gone, wanted to be the one to help Mother. He’d never wanted Yazoo to be hurt though. Had he? And if he was to have a baby, then he’d need somebody to be the father, and if he took Loz away from Yazoo, too…

He couldn’t do that. Not even, and he cringed as he thought this, for Mother.

Nothing happened, and he let himself relax as he realised She hadn’t heard.

But if it wasn’t Loz, then who? He needed his brothers for this. The father needed to be someone with enough Jenova cells to–

A new thought had Kadaj sitting bolt upright.

They had another brother, didn’t they? Mother’s second Son, the Bad Son. The one who had killed Sephiroth.

Kadaj smiled, and began to plan.

*

More research was required, and he wished he could tell Yazoo about this; wished he could ask for his brother’s help. Yazoo was so much better at this sort of thing. There were more trips into towns to search through databases and old newspapers for information. Kadaj bought back books on drugs and chemicals, read through the few papers published on SOLDIERs and their ability to metabolize drugs quickly. He considered magic, but it was too chancy, and there were drugs out there to produce the desired effect: it would just require a lot of them.

It was the books that caught Yazoo’s attention.

“What are you doing?” he asked, his voice raspy with disuse. It was the first time he’d paid attention to anything since losing the baby.

“Looking for medicine,” Kadaj said quickly. “You haven’t been feeling well; I want to help.”

Yazoo gave a sad-looking smile. “I’m sorry, Kadaj. You tried so hard to help, even before -” His voice cracked. “I’ll be fine. You don’t have to worry.” He sat up, saying a little. “Here, let me take one.”

Kadaj handed him a book he already knew had nothing related to what he wanted to know. He wasn’t going to involve Loz or Yazoo in this at all. They had always looked out for each other, even back in the labs. They might argue and tease each other, but they never forgot that they were brothers. That was important. Kadaj didn’t allow anybody to hurt his brothers. He was going to protect them, even if it was from Her.

When Loz came back from hunting to find Yazoo reading a book, he was so happy he dropped the meat he was carrying to rush right over. Yazoo immediately snapped at him to pick it up and go clean the dirt off. Loz complied, with a happy grin on his face.

Loz cooked that night, with Yazoo supervising.

*

Kadaj felt able to travel further abroad now that Yazoo was once again up and about. His middle brother still didn’t appear to be feeling completely well, but he returned to doing the cooking, and reading whatever books Kadaj bought him. He seemed to know Kadaj was up to something but he didn’t ask what. Knowing Yazoo, he’d probably prefer to work it out himself, or trick Kadaj into admitting it.

He was using a computer terminal in a public library when Mother spoke to him again. _What are you doing?_

Kadaj let out a startled yelp, and immediately found himself the focus of numerous pairs of eyes. Flushing, he ducked his head, focusing on the computer screen.

Instead he concentrated on his plan: to use Cloud Strife to father the baby, because he’d been injected directly with Sephiroth’s DNA, as well as Jenova cells, while in Hojo’s custody. He faltered a little at the flash of pure hate that resulted at the mention of that name, but pointed out, feeling brave for doing so, that it was Cloud Strife who’d taken Sephiroth away, so it was only fitting he should be used to bring him back.

There was a moment’s silence.

 _Yesssssss,_ Mother hissed, and his shoulders sagged in relief.

*

Finally, Kadaj was ready. He told Yazoo and Loz he was going to be gone at least a week, and packed everything he’d need into the saddlebags on his bike, including the little bundle of well-wrapped vials stolen from a clinic six towns away. The only uncertainty in his plan was whether Cloud would be where he thought he was. He’d bought extra money with him just in case.

It would have been easier to find Cloud in Edge, Kadaj knew: he used his friend Tifa’s bar as a base of operations for his delivery business. But he passed through Kalm on a regular basis, and when he did, he stayed at the same hotel. And could be found drinking at the hotel’s bar in the evening.

That was where Kadaj waited. Each evening, he headed for the hotel bar, hoping to spot his quarry.

It was the third evening when he saw somebody sitting at the bar that caught his attention as soon as he entered. He’d seen photographs of Cloud Strife, knew what he looked like, but it wasn’t the same as seeing him. Although he could only see the back of him from the doorway, Kadaj still knew it was him with the same certainty he knew his other brothers.

Swallowing, he headed for the empty stool beside the blond. While he waited for the bartender to make his way down the bar, he snuck surreptitious glances.

Cloud didn’t look anything like his other brothers, and he wondered if maybe he was wrong and this wouldn’t work. Cloud’s hair was pale gold, not silver, and his eyes were blue. He wasn’t tall and slender, or even short and slender like Kadaj, but he was reassuringly solid; even more so than Loz. After a moment, Kadaj decided he liked it. Now if only he could decide what to say to him, because somehow, that had never really featured in any of his planning sessions.

As he anxiously turned over possible conversational openings in his head, Cloud turned and asked, “Is there something -”

Kadaj looked at him, and the blond froze, his eyes widening slightly. Staring back, Kadaj felt just as frozen. Cloud did have blue eyes, and they lacked the slit-pupils that he and his other brothers shared, but they glowed with the effects of mako. And they looked… sad.

Then Cloud shook his head slightly, and blinked, breaking the spell. “I’m sorry; you remind me of someone. It was… a surprise.”

Kadaj dropped his gaze to the bar surface. Somehow, he’d never thought of that. He looked like Sephiroth; of course he did, given that he was a clone. It was likely that Cloud knew what he was, just from looking at him. And Cloud had killed Sephiroth, twice. What if Cloud thought he should die, too? His eyes widened. He was good, but he didn’t think he was good enough to beat someone who could kill Sephiroth.

“Is that bad?” he asked.

There was a pause.

“No. You can’t help how you’re made.”

“Oh.” The bartender finally reached him, and Kadaj ordered a drink, grateful for something to keep his hands busy. This time, he was conscious of Cloud sliding sideways glances at him.

“You sure you’re old enough for that?”

Kadaj forgot his need to charm Cloud and scowled. “Yes, I am old enough to drink, thank you very much,” he said with cold disdain. This was the first night he hadn’t been carded, and only because the bartender remembered him. Fortunately, their IDs had been made by Yazoo, and were very convincing. Not that Yazoo and Loz ever needed theirs. Just because he was on the small side…

To his surprise, it made Cloud smile. Just a small one. “If you say so.”

“I am.”

“It’s just surprising that you’re out by yourself. When I was your age, it was one of my older friends who used to drag me out drinking.” Cloud shrugged. “Of course, I was underage, but nobody was going to argue with Zack.”

“Zack?”

“My friend. He was a SOLDIER First Class.”

“I don’t have any friends. Here, that is. I’m just passing through.”

“Hm.” Cloud gave him a considering look, taking in the well-worn leathers. Kadaj had considered dressing up a bit, but he was comfortable in these, and he knew he looked good in them. “Me too.”

“Were you in SOLDIER, then?” Kadaj asked, even though he knew the answer. Cloud hadn’t received the regular SOLDIER treatments, because he never made it into SOLDIER. Instead, Hojo had tried an accelerated course of the treatments that had created Sephiroth, as well as Kadaj and his brothers.

“No.”

Silence fell. Kadaj was acutely aware of the small vial sitting in his pocket, and the fact that he somehow needed to get it into Cloud’s drink. “My name’s Kadaj,” he volunteered.

“Cloud.”

“Did you have fun?”

“Huh?”

“When your friend dragged you out drinking.”

“Most of the time,” Cloud admitted. “But there were times when I was quite sure he was going to get me killed. He had a liking for pranks,” he added in explanation.

Kadaj edged closer, interested. “Like what?”

“Well…”

*

Many hours later, Kadaj lay in bed with a warm body pressing against his back and the weight of an arm tucked around his middle. He felt sticky, sweaty and a little sore. He was also surprisingly comfortable, and it was an effort to ease out from under Cloud’s arm and slip out of the bed. He quickly gathered his clothes and dressed, but once he was done, found himself lingering.

He’d enjoyed himself tonight, and he hadn’t expected to. Cloud had actually talked to him, and didn’t seem to think he was strange, the way many people outside the labs did. He knew what Kadaj was, and didn’t treat him like he was defective, either. He’d managed to slip the drug into his drink, but a small part of him wondered if he’d really needed it; if perhaps he could have coaxed Cloud into bed without it. It was a thought that made him oddly happy. And the sex…

He made a small, humming sound of contentment, then clapped his hands to his lips in horror as Cloud shifted restlessly, arm reaching for something. Although the blond settled, sleeping the sleep of the truly sated, he knew it was time to leave. For one thing, he really wanted to sleep, too, and he couldn’t risk falling asleep here.

Kadaj had taken the precaution of getting himself a room in another hotel. As soon as he reached it, he collapsed face-down on the bed. He’d told Cloud he was just passing through; the blond would likely assume he’d left town. He sighed. Getting up to remove his clothes and take a shower seemed like too much effort.

Within minutes, he was asleep.

*

His brothers didn’t ask him where he’d been, although Yazoo gave him a long, thoughtful look when he returned. After so much planning, Kadaj felt somewhat ambivalent as he settled in to wait for the results of his work. If there was any.

When the time came, he didn’t feel happy. He couldn’t decide what it was he was feeling, except that it was too complicated to fit into mere words.

Although Yazoo was ‘recovered’ from his illness, he was still quieter than he used to be, and he tired easily. Sometimes at night Kadaj would wake to the sound of somebody crying, and hear the deep murmur of Loz’s voice in response. He wanted to tell Yazoo, to assure him that he would take care of everything and that Mother wouldn’t hurt him anymore, but something told him that it was a bad idea. So Kadaj kept the news to himself, helped by the fact that his ‘morning sickness’ occurred mostly in the afternoons, when he was away from the cave.

The only one who knew was Mother.

She was in his head more often, now, talking about the Reunion, and how it would be once Sephiroth was reborn. It was some weeks before Kadaj noticed that Sephiroth was the only one she ever really talked about; she made no further mention of Loz or Yazoo, and even he was only mentioned in reference to Sephiroth’s coming rebirth. It was a bitter realisation, that even in bringing about what she wanted Kadaj still came second to Sephiroth. Her perfect Son. Added to his inability to tell his brothers, it left his stomach in knots even when he wasn’t feeling ill.

Kadaj tried not to think about what would happen if it didn’t work. But with Mother whispering to him almost constantly, it was hard to avoid it.

*

Three months after his night with Cloud, Yazoo stopped him as he was leaving. “What?” Kadaj asked impatiently, wanting to be on his way. If he headed down the valley, he could take out a few monsters on the way and collect the bounties when he reached town.

To his annoyance, all Yazoo did was look at him.

Kadaj made an irritated sound. “I need to be -”

“You’re pregnant.” It was a flat statement, expressionless, and Yazoo’s face gave away nothing.

Kadaj swallowed, and lifted his chin defiantly. “So what if I am?”

He waited for Yazoo to yell at him, or maybe cry again, but his brother did neither. After a moment, Yazoo simply reached forward and pulled him into a hug. Kadaj settled against his chest with a shuddering sigh. It had felt wrong to keep secrets from his brothers, and there was a relief in the assurance that Yazoo didn’t hate him for this.

Finally, Yazoo stepped back. “You should get going,” he said, and walked back into the cave.

*

Kadaj knew that Yazoo had told Loz, because his older brother was especially solicitous of him, hovering with the kind of care and attention he usually only showed Yazoo. But even though they all knew, it was something they didn’t talk about. It was a stark contrast to the near-constant murmuring in his head, and he wondered if he had any private thoughts left, even those he took care to think quietly. It was drawing closer to the point where Mother had declared Yazoo’s pregnancy to be a failure, and Kadaj was afraid.

Afraid that Mother would declare this pregnancy a failure, too. That she would be angry at him, and hurt him the way she had Yazoo. Or that the baby would be born, Sephiroth would be reborn, and she’d have no further use for a lesser son like him.

When he felt something that might have been the first fluttering of movement, he couldn’t work up any excitement.

The feeling in his stomach was more like dread.

*

Kadaj was no longer making trips into the nearby towns. The fascination he felt with the noise and the bustle and the people was gone. He stayed close to the cave instead, feeling like he was awaiting sentence.

Awaiting Mother’s judgement.

But that meant that one day was much like another, the main differences being in who caught the meat for their dinner, and what dish Yazoo chose to try from his many cookbooks. So it was a complete surprise when the monotony was interrupted by an unexpected visitor.

And Kadaj flinched when he realised that the person blocking the entrance to the cave was none other than Cloud.

“I think,” Cloud said, “you owe me an explanation.”

*

An explanation was what he asked for, so an explanation was what Cloud got. Kadaj explained all his reasons, his planning, his actions. He glossed over the matter of Yazoo’s failed pregnancy, because neither Yazoo nor Loz had returned yet and Cloud had never met them. Plus he didn’t want to think about it too hard.

“…and if the baby is pure enough, then Sephiroth will be reborn, and Mother will be happy,” he finished.

Cloud wasn’t looking at him. Instead he was staring at a spot on the floor, and even when he spoke he didn’t look in Kadaj’s direction. “So you drugged me to get me into bed easier, and slept with me to get pregnant, all so Jenova can have her way and drag Sephiroth back from the dead again?”

“Yes, that’s right.”

Cloud finally looked up, and there was something determined in his gaze that had Kadaj crossing his arms over his stomach protectively. The blond took a step closer, and it was all he could do to stand his ground, one thought echoing in his head, made louder by the fact that Mother was silent.

Cloud had killed Sephiroth twice.

“Did it occur to you that this is my child, too?”

“Huh?” Kadaj said blankly.

“You’re carrying my child. That baby,” he nodded towards Kadaj’s mid-section, “carries my blood as well as yours. Do you think I’m just going to let Jenova do what she wants with it?”

He never called her Mother, Kadaj noted. It was no wonder Mother didn’t want to talk while he was here.

“I don’t expect you to understand,” Kadaj said stubbornly. “You’ve always pushed Mother away.”

“She’s not my mother, anymore than she is yours. A mother protects and cares for her children.” Cloud looked at him with disappointed eyes. “You’re carrying a child, Kadaj. That makes you a mother, too. Are you really willing to let her take your baby, destroy everything about it that makes it human, that makes it a person, and replace it with her twisted view of what Sephiroth was?”

Kadaj stared at him, mouth agape. The word slowly formed on his lips. “Mo… ther…?”

“Why this cave?” Cloud asked suddenly.

“What?”

“Why do you live in this particular cave?”

“This was where Mother brought us,” Kadaj answered, feeling horribly confused. “She told me to come here, and then she told us to wait, so we did.”

There was a clutter of noise from the cave entrance as Yazoo and Loz returned. “Kadaj? There’s a strange bike -” Yazoo fell silent as he met Cloud’s gaze. “Oh.”

“Who’s that?” Loz asked.

“It’s our other brother,” Yazoo replied. “Cloud Strife.”

“The bad one?”

“Perhaps.” Yazoo tucked a long strand of silver hair back over his shoulder, and asked, “Why are you here?”

Cloud looked towards the back of the cave, where the passage narrowed and extended deep into the ground. For a moment, his eyes seemed to flicker green. “There’s some old business I have to take care of.” His hand slipped back to brush the hilt of his sword, the harness slung across his back, then to his wrist as if to check the bracer there. He strode past Kadaj, and disappeared into the darkness.

Suddenly Kadaj could hear Mother again, and her voice was getting louder and more panicked by the minute. But he wasn’t listening, the thoughts in his head too big to think quietly.

He was going to be a mother. He’d have a child, and mothers were supposed to love their children.

Children loved their mothers.

The voice in his head had reached the pitch of a shrill scream before it finally cut off. Somehow Kadaj knew he wouldn’t be hearing it again. On the other side of the cave, Yazoo was preparing dinner, and smiling for the first time in months.

Kadaj smiled, too.

He’d finally be somebody’s favourite.


End file.
